Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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