So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
They have beer where we have blood.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
