If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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