I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I didn't shave. On purpose
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
