he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
