Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
