I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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