Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
