i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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