What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
