I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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