Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
