Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need to align my fucking chakras
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
