I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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