So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
