The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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