i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
