We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize