Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
