Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize