you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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