note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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