there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
