I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize