So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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