will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
