I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize