What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
