There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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