if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
