Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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