last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
