cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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