Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
