This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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