ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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