Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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