I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i think my mom watched the whole time
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
