Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
