The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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