Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
