you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
