i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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