She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
