Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
