I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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