It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
