Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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