my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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