someone threw a dead crab at me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
