like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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