I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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