i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The Olympian is in my bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
