i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
