is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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