You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Bring me that man meat
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
