My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize