So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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