My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
