Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
