Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
