if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
