i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
