Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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