he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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