Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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