Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
