Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
