Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
