I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
