Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Text me some of your sweat
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