And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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