i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is the high leading the old right now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
