He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Vodka?
Forever.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
