so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
