HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
not ubering you a puppy
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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