She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
