the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's always time for handjobs
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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