if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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