I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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