How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
