i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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