So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
