bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
