Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
