Soap is not a condiment
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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