He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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