He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
FUCK WHALES
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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